How to master emotional dependency

Mastering Emotional Dependency: A Path to Self-Empowerment.

Emotional dependency, or relying heavily on others for validation, support, or emotional stability, is something that many of us experience at various points in our lives. Whether it's through relationships, friendships, or even family ties, emotional dependency can feel comforting in the short term. However, it often leads to feelings of helplessness, insecurity, and a lack of personal autonomy in the long run. 

The good news is, emotional dependency is not something you’re stuck with forever. With conscious effort and self-awareness, you can master it, transforming dependency into emotional self-sufficiency. Here’s how to navigate this path and build a more balanced, empowered emotional life.

1. Understand Emotional Dependency

The first step to mastering emotional dependency is understanding it. Emotional dependency involves excessive reliance on others for emotional support, approval, or reassurance. While this can sometimes stem from genuine need, it often signals an imbalance in how we perceive our worth. People who are emotionally dependent often fear rejection or abandonment, and they may struggle to feel whole without constant external validation.

Understanding that emotional dependency stems from deep-seated fears or past experiences allows you to approach the issue with compassion for yourself. It’s important to acknowledge that this behavior is not inherently wrong; rather, it’s a sign that you need to build stronger emotional resilience and self-worth.

2. Develop Self-Awareness

Becoming self-aware is crucial in mastering emotional dependency. Take the time to reflect on your emotional responses and triggers. Are you reaching out to others for reassurance more than you’d like? Are you finding it difficult to feel at ease when you're alone? These signs point to emotional dependence that could benefit from strengthening.

Mindfulness practices, journaling, and therapy are great tools for building self-awareness. Journaling, for example, can help you track patterns in your emotional reactions, revealing how you depend on others for comfort. Once you understand these triggers, you can begin to address them.

3. Cultivate Self-Compassion

One of the most effective ways to reduce emotional dependency is to develop a deep sense of self-compassion. Often, emotional dependence is rooted in a lack of self-acceptance or fear of not being “enough.” To counteract this, practice speaking to yourself with kindness. Instead of berating yourself for needing others, acknowledge your feelings and reassure yourself that it’s okay to be vulnerable.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean avoiding growth or shying away from challenges. It’s about offering yourself understanding and patience as you work through your dependency. It helps you shift from seeking validation externally to nurturing your own inner confidence.

 4. Build Emotional Independence

Emotional independence doesn’t mean cutting yourself off from others or never seeking help. Rather, it involves developing a sense of emotional stability that is rooted within you. Here are some strategies to build emotional independence:

Develop a strong sense of self-worth

: Work on understanding and affirming your unique value, independent of anyone else’s approval. Celebrate your achievements, strengths, and qualities.

Learn to regulate your emotions: Practice emotional regulation techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or mindfulness to handle difficult emotions on your own, rather than relying on others to soothe you.

Cultivate hobbies and interests: Engaging in activities you love or discovering new passions can help you build a fulfilling life that doesn’t rely on others to provide emotional fulfillment.

Practice healthy boundaries: Setting boundaries is essential in emotional self-sufficiency. Learn to say no when necessary and create space for yourself to recharge and reconnect with your own needs.

 5. Strengthen Your Support System

While emotional independence is important, it’s also essential to have a support system of people who can offer guidance and comfort when needed. However, the key here is balance. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and the recognition that both individuals can contribute to the emotional well-being of the relationship.

Choose to surround yourself with people who encourage your emotional growth and independence. They should not be your sole source of emotional fulfillment but should instead serve as valuable resources for mutual support and understanding.

6. Seek Professional Help

If emotional dependency feels overwhelming, or if you’re struggling to make progress on your own, therapy can be an invaluable resource. A therapist can help you uncover the root causes of your emotional dependence, whether they stem from past trauma, childhood experiences, or unhealthy relationship patterns. They can also equip you with tools and strategies to navigate difficult emotions and develop a more balanced sense of self.

7. Practice Patience and Persistence

Breaking free from emotional dependency isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s a process that requires time, effort, and a willingness to embrace discomfort as you grow. There may be setbacks along the way, and it’s important to remain patient with yourself.

Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and understand that each step you take toward emotional independence brings you closer to a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.

Conclusion

Mastering emotional dependency is an empowering journey toward self-sufficiency and emotional well-being. By developing self-awareness, cultivating self-compassion, building emotional independence, and seeking support when necessary, you can create a solid foundation for emotional resilience. This process not only frees you from the constraints of emotional dependency but also helps you build more fulfilling, balanced relationships with others.

Remember, emotional independence doesn’t mean isolation or detachment. It simply means that your emotional stability and sense of worth come from within, allowing you to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and a deep sense of self-assurance.

Being black, independant and a woman

 Embracing Independence as a Black Woman: The Power of Resilience and Self-Determination

In a world that has often sought to define and limit Black women, there is a profound strength in embracing independence. Being a Black woman and choosing to stand tall, own your voice, and live on your own terms is not only an act of resistance but also one of empowerment. It's about reclaiming space and writing your own narrative, even when society tries to write it for you.

The Historical Struggle and Triumphs of Black Women

The journey of Black women’s independence has never been easy. Historically, Black women have been marginalized, often overlooked in conversations around gender equality, and subjected to systemic racism. From slavery to segregation, Black women have had to fight for basic human rights, economic freedom, and the ability to make decisions about their own lives. Their stories have been filled with untold hardships, yet the resilience demonstrated by so many continues to shape the path toward independence today.

The fight for independence wasn’t just about political freedom—it was about reclaiming dignity, humanity, and a sense of self. Icons like Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, and Maya Angelou demonstrated how strength and independence could exist in the face of insurmountable odds. These women didn’t just break barriers for themselves; they paved the way for future generations of Black women to live boldly and freely.

The Challenges of Being a Black Woman in Today’s World

While progress has been made, being a Black woman today still comes with its unique set of challenges. On one hand, there is the expectation to fit into societal norms that often don’t acknowledge the diverse beauty, intelligence, and talent of Black women. On the other hand, systemic racism continues to hinder access to resources and opportunities for many in the community. Yet, despite these barriers, Black women have continued to forge ahead, using every setback as fuel to rise higher.

Navigating the complexities of race and gender can be exhausting. There are times when we are faced with stereotypes, microaggressions, and the overwhelming need to be both strong and graceful under pressure. But in choosing independence, Black women have an unparalleled ability to thrive, despite these daily challenges. 

The Essence of Independence

Being independent as a Black woman is not just about financial freedom or career success, although those are incredibly important. It’s about owning your story and reclaiming your power, your identity, and your voice. It’s about knowing that your worth is not defined by others, but by your own self-recognition and self-love. 

Independence manifests in many forms: 

Financial Independence: Gaining control over your financial future is a crucial part of self-determination. This independence opens doors for Black women to make decisions based on their needs and desires, rather than relying on others. 

Emotional Independence: Learning to prioritize your mental well-being and creating boundaries that protect your peace is vital in a world that often demands too much from you. 

Personal Empowerment: The decision to unapologetically be yourself—whether it's in your career, relationships, or personal endeavors—can be incredibly freeing. 

Independence isn’t about doing everything alone; it’s about having the freedom to make choices that align with your values, dreams, and goals. It’s about knowing you are enough and having the strength to carve out your own space in this world.

Celebrating Black Women’s Strength

When we celebrate Black women’s independence, we honor their resilience. This is not just a personal victory—it’s a collective one. Every Black woman who has overcome adversity, defied expectations, or simply made space for herself, contributes to the greater narrative of liberation. Their stories deserve to be heard, not just for the sake of recognition, but because they inspire others to walk boldly in their own independence.

As a Black woman, independence is a declaration: you refuse to be defined by anyone else’s limitations. Your voice matters. Your dreams matter. Your journey matters. And no matter how difficult the road, you walk it with the knowledge that you have the power to change the course of your own life.

Moving Forward with Confidence

The future is full of possibilities, and Black women have the power to shape it. Whether you’re in a corporate boardroom, an artist’s studio, or a community meeting, the path to independence is yours to choose. There is no one-size-fits-all journey. The beauty of being a Black woman today is that you have the freedom to decide what success looks like for you—and to redefine it on your own terms.

Being independent doesn’t mean you do it all by yourself. It’s about knowing your worth, building a support system that elevates you, and continually pushing past obstacles. You are not just surviving—you are thriving, and the world can no longer ignore your power.

In the end, independence as a Black woman is about more than just existing; it’s about thriving in a world that often doesn’t understand your worth. But with each step you take, you rewrite the narrative. And that, in itself, is the true meaning of freedom.

How quit a toxic relationship

How to Quit a Toxic Relationship: A Guide to Prioritize Your Well-Being

Ending a toxic relationship can be one of the most difficult decisions a person has to make, but it can also be one of the most empowering. Whether the relationship is romantic, familial, or even a friendship, when negativity, manipulation, or abuse becomes the norm, it’s time to take a step back and assess your emotional health. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the process of quitting a toxic relationship and reclaiming your peace.

1. Recognize the Signs of Toxicity

Before you can break free, it's important to recognize that the relationship is, indeed, toxic. While every relationship goes through ups and downs, toxicity is characterized by patterns of behavior that harm your mental, emotional, or physical well-being. Some signs of a toxic relationship include:

Constant criticism or belittling:You may feel like you're never good enough, no matter what you do.

Manipulation or control: One person may always try to control the actions, thoughts, or emotions of the other.

Lack of support or empathy: A toxic relationship often lacks mutual respect and understanding. One partner may disregard the other's feelings or needs.

Emotional or physical abuse: Any form of abuse, whether it's verbal, emotional, or physical, is a major red flag that it’s time to leave.

2. Understand Why You Stayed

Acknowledge why you stayed in the toxic relationship in the first place. This can be a powerful part of the healing process. Many people stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel guilty about leaving, fear being alone, or are emotionally dependent on the other person. Sometimes, love and attachment can cloud our judgment, making it difficult to see the situation clearly.

Taking time to understand your reasons will help you process your emotions and set clear boundaries going forward. Reflecting on the red flags you ignored earlier can help prevent you from falling into similar patterns in the future.

3. Seek Support from Trusted Friends or Professionals

Ending a toxic relationship is often challenging, and you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer emotional support and guidance. If necessary, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor who can provide a professional perspective and help you develop coping strategies.

Sometimes, a third party can give you a clearer view of the situation and affirm that you're making the right decision. Therapy can also help you heal from any trauma caused by the relationship and rebuild your self-esteem.

 4. Set Clear Boundaries

Once you've decided to leave, setting clear boundaries is crucial to avoid being drawn back into the relationship. Be firm about your decision, even if the other person tries to manipulate or guilt you into staying. You deserve respect, and your well-being should always come first.

Boundaries can be physical (such as limiting contact or cutting off communication completely) or emotional (such as no longer engaging in arguments or emotional pleas). Remember, your boundaries are valid, and you have the right to protect your peace.

5. Plan Your Exit Strategy

Leaving a toxic relationship, especially if it's been long-term, requires careful planning. Think about how to create the space you need to fully remove yourself from the situation. If possible, end the relationship in person, but if it feels unsafe or too emotionally charged, it might be best to do so in writing or over the phone.

In some cases, you may need to take additional steps, like changing phone numbers or blocking social media accounts, to fully distance yourself. If you share finances or living arrangements, consider consulting a professional or mediator to help with the transition.

 6. Focus on Healing and Self-Care

After leaving a toxic relationship, focus on healing. This may be a difficult process, but with time, you’ll come to realize how much strength you’ve gained. Prioritize self-care by practicing activities that nurture your mind, body, and soul. Exercise, journaling, meditation, or spending time with loved ones can all help restore balance and self-worth.

Take it one day at a time, and don't rush the healing process. Understand that it's normal to feel a mix of emotions, including relief, sadness, or guilt. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship, but remember that this is an important step toward a healthier and happier future.

 7. Build a Supportive Network

Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a community group, building a supportive network is essential for long-term healing. Seek out relationships that are built on mutual respect, trust, and love, and allow yourself to be vulnerable in positive ways.

The relationships you foster after leaving a toxic one should be ones that promote your growth, not ones that drain your energy.

 8. Embrace Your New Beginning

Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t just about cutting ties with someone who harmed you; it’s about embracing a new chapter of your life. You’ve taken control of your happiness, and now you can create a future that aligns with your values and desires.

As you move forward, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and there may be times when you feel pulled back into old patterns. However, remember that the strength you’ve shown in ending the relationship is proof of your resilience and capacity for self-love.

 Conclusion

Quitting a toxic relationship is a difficult yet transformative experience. It’s not about the other person—it’s about your commitment to yourself and your well-being. By recognizing the signs of toxicity, seeking support, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your healing, you’ll be able to move on and build a healthier, more fulfilling life. You deserve love, respect, and happiness, and by ending a toxic relationship, you’re making room for all of that and more.

Remember, it’s okay to walk away for your mental and emotional health. Ending a toxic relationship may just be the first step in a journey toward a better, brighter future.

WELCOME NOTE

  Welcome to my blog

    Hello my wonderful readers!

I welcome you to my lifestyle blog, a sister to my lifestyle magazine, Celesta (which you will find in the pages section).  Allow me to take you along  with me in this amazing journey where we are going to discuss matters concerning our daily life experiences. If you feel like you can relate to one my topics you are free to comment or add something in the comment section. I want it feel like we are in a conversation, especially in issues that concern women in general. Our world is changing on a daily basis and we are moving along with a new revolution in technology. So we need to equip ourselves with the basic and necessary knowledge and life skills that go along with our daily life experiences. We are no longer in the past centuries where women were  only seen as  objects to men. We have to shine our light and put in the right places where others can reach it. Gone are those days when women could not take decisions without the consent of a male figure in their lives. now we are free to take charge of our lives.

Now if  we do things in together in unison even though, there are few who still dwell in the past, we will move forward to remove all the barriers that were put by the old laws to put us in the rear position where we could not do anything rather than running household chores and bearing children to raise them with the little amount of money we receive from our working partners, who happen to have their side chicks who would live to dress smart to impress the men while we were sweating in the scorching sun, to hoe the vegetable garden with little children on our backs while those coming from school would want to see their food ready when they come from school.

Now we wake up early in the morning to go and see to it that we contribute to building the economy of the country. That is where we need to improve ourselves and help others to grow with us so that we build a strong nation. There strength in us is so immense that whatever we agree upon can be possible.

All we need is to hold each other's hand and move along, putting a little bit of faith and compassion towards each other. Determination and faith accompanied by education can take us far as much as we want

Take a tour to my world of thinking, so that we can cruise together to deep side of our imaginations, where we can build a strong nation. Almost all the topics that will come across here are about us as  women and our capability to make a change or to contribute to the change that is already occurring in our environment.  I also included my author work, see the links below and click to read.

One of the topics are have emphasised in most of my articles and poems is perseverance. This is the most important phenomenon. most women who are top positions always have a story to tell and that story is a proof of their resilience towards the changes they came across as they climb their way to the top. The is no success story that has no history of challenges. All these become a strong story to tell that brings hope to those who are still on their path to success.

So it all depends on us. Let us do this.

Thank you
Enjoy

L.jali

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Simple Ways To Keep Stress At Bay

How to de-stress

The stress related sicknesses like depression have become the most common problematic conditions nowadays. There is an escalating rate of suicidal cases especially among the youth. This all start by anxiety and loss of interest in all the things the sufferer used to do. The sufferer start to spend most of their time in bed without washing or brushing their teeth. And they lose all the hope and belief in themselves.

 How to avoid stress?

Stay away from stressors: the most important thing to do to avoid stress is to stay away from the things that cause you stress. Unfortunately, it is not only the things that can cause stress but people can too. So how does this happen you may ask: most people try very hard to impress or to fit in. This is what we call peer pressure in teenagers but the actual fact is that the adults can find themselves in that situation too. This sometimes happen at their workplace where impressing a hardcore boss becomes a priority. Chasing deadlines, trying to excel in presentations and rivalry between colleagues. If you find yourself in a situation where you no longer do anything for yourself but for the eyes of people start by reminding yourself that it is all about you. Start by asking yourself about why you started to do what you are doing in the first place. Stay in your own lane at your own pace. Remember that even those people you are focusing on have their own challenges as well. Even those you consider your role models have their shortcomings as well. So if you always divert from focussing on your lane and step on other people's, you will even forget about your own dreams. Stop living your life based on other people's expectations.

Living according to people's expectations can be cruel in the sense that they will never notice even if you are drowning or not coping at all. They will press until you no longer able anymore. In our black communities it is unlikely to notice a person who is this situation until they are in verge of losing their mind or committing suicide. It is only then that they will notice that such a person has a problem. Sometimes it becomes impossible to help them since the depression has reached its final stage.

Find a new hobby: Now you understand that this is about you not the other way round. Find yourself a new hobby or something you have more interest in. This could be a new game sport or going to a gym or even writing or drawing. Some people find it later that their hobby is actually their career path and they start to make earning out of it. Mine is writing and when I'm doing it I feel like I'm in my own world but at the same time I make sure it does not become an obsession. That is another problem. When you become obsessed with something it also becomes a problem. Remember that too much of everything is a sin.

Eat the right kind of food: now you fully understand that this is all about you. You can now focus on getting healthy by eating all the right kind of food that will boost your happy mood. In my book '' EAT YOUR BEAUTY OUT" I have considered the food that is good to boost your happy mood. Such food is  spinach which consists of zinc that is responsible for your happy mood. Kale is also good as spinach. Fruits like berries, banana, avocado, nuts( raw cashew, almonds) So if you eat your breakfast of oats with sliced bananas strawberries and nuts, you will have a perfect breakfast. For your meat, chicken and turkey are good. Salmon is also good and is a source of omega 3 fatty acids which our bodies can't produce on their own. For your snack eat dark chocolate. Dark chocolate is good and packed with iron, zinc and magnesium. Drink a lot of water and get enough sleep. You can drink detox water if you not keen in drinking water( I have some detox water recipes in the book I have mentioned earlier) so you can try them as well. Go easy on tea and coffee and try chamomile tea. Chamomile is good for boosting happy mood and even makes you sleep better.

Spoil yourself: some people spoil their mood by watching all the glamorous lifestyle and activities other people are posting in social networks. In this way they put pressure on themselves, forgetting the fact that not everything that is posted in social media is real. Start to focus on spoiling yourself. Buy yourself nice things, don't expect other people to give you gifts. Sometimes retail therapy can lift up your spirit.

Empower yourself: empowering yourself can be the best thing that you can do for yourself. Grasping all the knowledge as much as possible can divert you from all the negative things that can cause you stress. This will also stop you from being obsessed with other people s businesses and focus on your own. Remember where there is competition there's evil. By walking in your own lane at your own pace you will be able to tackle all the delaying tactics that throws themselves at you. Remember,' by looking at someone's plate you could be spilling your own gravy. So stick to your bush. Get with the kind of people who inspire you. Remember, if they don't push you up they will pull you down. Trust your instincts and obey your faith. Do not dwell on the past focus on the future. Move with time , learn new things. Do not allow any day to pass without you, leaning a new things no matter how trivial it may seem, it can be a stepping stone tomorrow.



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Embrace what you have!

 

There is a little story that I like to relate to when I'm raising this topic. This little story goes like this " a man went to Kimberly in search of diamonds. On his way he came across a little shining stone. Not realising the value of the stone, he played with it until it got lost. When he arrived in Kimberly, he saw diamonds. He later realised the importance of the stone he lost. It was a diamond and it had a great value.

The gist of this story is that,  we should appreciate those we have while we still have them. Those people who were always around us even in the most difficult times of our lives. They were there when we needed them the most. The outbreak of the Corona pandemic had taught us in many ways. Some lost their loved ones while others lost their jobs and businesses. Now, most of us feel and know how it is like not having something you need when you need it the most.

In our lifetime there are people and things that come seasonal. There are those people who come into our lives when we make it in life, just to celebrate with us. There are those who watch at a distance. These kind of people they stay in wait for our down fall or our breakthrough. It is up to them to celebrate with us or wear their long face, sulking at our success. And then there are those who help us through the way to our success. These people come at a season when we need help and then the wish you luck. Some times these people tend to be forgotten. These are the people who need to be mentioned when we celebrate our success. Just the mention of their names make them proud. There is a lot that I forgot to mention, those who are there to take the credit. These ones would even blow their trumpet to show everyone that you are where you are because of them. These are Misters and Mrs/s know-it-all. The jacks of all trades but the Masters of none. They know every outcome of every project you are doing. They have seen it before but it never worked. Why do you think it will work for you without their knowledge. Then, boom, when you have achieved, they are there to collect the credit. And then, there are those who always been there for us through thick and thin. These are the ones who open the door for us when we come home late. They wish us luck when we go out there. They celebrate the good news with us. They celebrate our success with us. These are the ones we should always keep. Yes others, above play a vital role in our lives. They motivate us to do more. Even those who are waiting for our down fall make us to strive more. They should be there to witness our victory. As the Psalm 23 says ' He prepares ( I would like to say (" He prepaid) a table (rather a bunquet) for me infront of my enemies. So, they need to be, there and watch you dine with your loved ones. 

Thanks enjoy 

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The Africa Day

 Today, the 25th May, marks one of the most important dates in our lifetime, the Africa day. This is a day to embrace our Africanism, our cultures, our history and unity. Our continent is one of the largest and has a diversity of cultural backgrounds with different languages and ethnic groups. Today we embrace all its beauty and riches. Africa is rich in many ways. It is rich in history. 

For a long time we thought that education and civilization originated from the West. In fact civilization started here in Africa and Egypt is where it all started. The first form of writing originated in Egypt at around 4000BC. This form of writing was known as hieroglyphics. It consisted of symbols and signs in which the ancient Egyptians used to communicate. Egypt was the richest country, the minerals, the food production and animal husbandry. You will remember that under the reign of Pharoah, who was the king back then, the Israelites migrated to Egypt when they faced a drought in their country. 

So, Africa is so rich in history. The civilization came along with the new revolution in agriculture. Mh-h! African civilization, I like the sound of that. Our continent has a diversity of religious beliefs as well. The one thing that is good about all of this diversity is respect of each other's beliefs and spiritual background. We have our own way of embracing the diversity of cultures and beliefs and that goes along with our sense of Unity and respect. There is a  concept of ubuntu which is an African thing. Even in the time of our forefathers, the spirit of ubuntu ( humanity) was the theme of Africanism. Allow me to say Africa is the mother of all nations. I say this because, according to our history, the first inhabitants during the old stone age at around 30000BC were residing at areas around the great Nile river, which is now Egypt. These people were hunter gatherers, that means they live on hunting. As the time went by these people moved to the northern areas above the red sea. They scattered in those areas that are now in the East of Europe. Even the Bible (our religious history) suggest that the descendants of Ham, the second born of Noah, were assigned to live on hunting from the wild. And these descendants were Cush, Egypt ( who later resided along the Nile river) Put and Canaan, who later resided in the Eastern part of Europe. So, it is in our blood, Africa is a mother to nations. We always keep that spirit of ubuntu.

Our leaders are in the footsteps of our forefathers to bring about this concept of ubuntu which is in jeopardy of being lost because of many things like poverty and other challenges that the country is facing in areas of development. Years ago, one of the African leaders, former president Thabo Mbeki raised a concept of African renaissance. His main objective was to bring about this concept of ubuntu which is the core of Africanism. So, today we embrace all those things that make us Africans. We are Africans and Africa is our continent. We will strive to save its history. And togetherness is the key concept to achieve this goal. We African women have a responsibility to set a trend for our future generation. We are the backbone of our homes and mothers of the nation. It is in our power to bring about the change in our country. A change that will not alter the theme Africanism but to strengthen it. Women in the past have set a trend by fighting for women rights. Women of 1956 paved the way to put in spotlight so that we can be able to raise our voices and combat the gender based discrimination. It is up to us to roll up our sleeves and fight for what is rightfully ours and our children. This call for unity and the spirit of togetherness. Africa is ours!

We celebrate the Africa day

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